The Polyamorous Misanthrope

Wielding the Stick of Grandmotherly Kindness

495 notes &

Boundaries v. Orders

For clarification, boundaries are not about telling the other person what to do, but saying what you will do. 

Ferinstance:  “Because I was frightened by a Ninja Turtle on a Wednesday, green really scares me on that day. You’re not allowed to wear green pajamas on Wednesday” isn’t setting a boundary.  That’s giving an order.

 But…

 ”Because I was frightened by a Ninja Turtle on Wednesday, green really scares me on that day.  I can’t be in a relationship with someone who wears green pajamas on a Wednesday” is setting a boundary.   It’s not giving an order, but is saying what you want in your life.

 It may seem subtle but it’s really HUGE.

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