The Polyamorous Misanthrope

Wielding the Stick of Grandmotherly Kindness

331 notes &

What a vicious circle: girls lose confidence, so they quit competing, thereby depriving themselves of one of the best ways to regain it. They leave school crammed full of interesting historical facts and elegant Spanish subjunctives, proud of their ability to study hard and get the best grades, and determined to please. But somewhere between the classroom and the cubicle, the rules change, and they don’t realize it. They slam into a work world that doesn’t reward them for perfect spelling and exquisite manners. The requirements for adult success are different, and their confidence takes a beating.

This article is my life. 

The Confidence Gap,” Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, The Atlantic

(via wilfordlauren)

The older I get the more I find there is very little reward in the work world in being a “good girl” in the sense of not asserting your rights, not claiming your place, not stating when you know you are right for fear you might actually be wrong and then any fallout will be on you and you’ll prove to everyone what you’ve always suspected about yourself because you are a girl or someone will say you are fat or ugly which is related to nothing, always being cooperative, trying to be a team player and not the squeaky wheel, sitting nicely with your hands folded before recess like you did in third grade, etc.

I see over and over men in my profession ascend in part because they assume they deserve it and don’t worry about “how it will look” to claim a spot and not attempt to please every single person in their professional world. Sometimes when I’m doing career planning, I tell myself to “think like a man.” It’s so complicated. Gah.

(via sarazarr)

*nods to everything Sara Zarr is saying*

I’ll never be able to be quiet enough, able to act dumb and smile enough, to please people. It doesn’t work. The fact I ever tried showed I was caught in a trap.

Nowadays it’s different. Of course occasionally this means I turn into Streetfighter Sarah, yelling ‘Yeah? Yeah? Come say that to me again, I’ll bite off your nose and spit it down your throat!’ But on the whole I think it’s better.

Guys are promoted differently as it is, talked about differently, praised more and criticised less. We need to break out of promoting ourselves differently, more diffidently, as if we couldn’t possibly be worthy of attention.

(via sarahreesbrennan)

Be a vain, bossy, overconfident, know-it-all, my dears. Every professional success I’ve ever had can be attributed to being louder and more inconvenient than many more competent “good girls.” 

(via seananmcguire)

14,460 notes &

brynndragon:

argea:

redbikeprince:

i have never read anything more blatantly written by a man before

ew

I am sad to say I have heard grown women say this. Internalized misogyny is totally a thing.

Well…I grew up in the 80s.  Admitting to being into nerdy things wasn’t just social suicide.  You could get the shit kicked out of you. I did look specifically for a nerd when I was looking for a partner.  Why? We were into the same things!If you’re not into nerdy stuff, naw, don’t look for one.  But if you are, why wouldn’t you?Finding ones that aren’t misogynistic dicks can be a problem nowadays I’m sorry about that.

brynndragon:

argea:

redbikeprince:

i have never read anything more blatantly written by a man before

ew

I am sad to say I have heard grown women say this. Internalized misogyny is totally a thing.

Well…

I grew up in the 80s. Admitting to being into nerdy things wasn’t just social suicide. You could get the shit kicked out of you.

I did look specifically for a nerd when I was looking for a partner. Why? We were into the same things!

If you’re not into nerdy stuff, naw, don’t look for one. But if you are, why wouldn’t you?

Finding ones that aren’t misogynistic dicks can be a problem nowadays I’m sorry about that.

26,992 notes &

Being a true bad ass has no weight or gender requirement - just 100% commitment to greatness

Dwayne Johnson (The Rock)

Mr. Johnson, I’m sorry I ever thought you were just eye candy.  Please forgive me.

(Source: xmaryxmoox, via amayakumiko)

3 notes &

Trust and Self-Control

I am in a non-monogamous relationship with my partner of about 18 months. We are both inexperienced in that we have both only ever had monogamous relationships before and have only been open for about 6 months now. My previous monogamous relationships did not end well and I have been cheated on, though my partner has said he has never been unfaithful in any of his previous monogamous…

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316 notes &

Boundaries v. Orders

fostby:

polyamorousmisanthrope:

For clarification, boundaries are not about telling the other person what to do, but saying what you will do.

Ferinstance: “Because I was frightened by a Ninja Turtle on a Wednesday, green really scares me on that day. You’re not allowed to wear green pajamas on…

I often interpret the latter as just being a more roundabout way of saying the former. Idk if this is a common experience or if this is due to me being bad at setting my own boundaries or what

If you’ve been on the wrong end of someone threatening to leave you every time they’re mildly displeased with you, or if you’ve been severely emotionally abused by someone who knows how to twist their assertive communication lessons so that they’re being REALLY controlling, I can TOTALLY understand why it would look that way.

Humans, we really can fuck anything good up.  We really can.

4 notes &

Sometimes Reality Checks are Pretty Good

(Some background. I am doing a pretty major housecleaning, but am doing it in stages -- a few chores a night because I'm damned if I am going to spend all day on this. It's going to take about three weeks to get it all done. I was procrastinating getting to tonight's chores and was trying to talk myself into going ahead and getting it done)
Me:
Okay, Mama Java, get off your lazy butt.
The Prince:
Goddammit, stop saying that!
Me:
What?
The Prince:
Stop calling yourself lazy. You're not lazy and I hate it when you call yourself something that isn't true.

7 notes &

ladypoetess asked: Do you ever find that you feel or act /more/ loving toward your husband when you're in the midst of NRE with someone else? I've got a major roll of NRE going at the moment - the first since my husband and I married, though I still have partners that predate my marriage - and while I don't feel that this /made/ me love my husband more, it seems to be prompting more spontaneous expressions of love, loving actions, etc.

Yes, it is a not-too-unusual phenomenon for NRE to enhance other relationships.  You’re awash in the Disney chemicals and your mind is reminding your body that you’re in love with THIS person TOO!

It’s pretty nice when it happens, isn’t it?

Filed under ladypoetess

32,412 notes &


A new religious statue in the town of Davidson, N.C., is unlike anything you might see in church.
The statue depicts Jesus as a vagrant sleeping on a park bench. St. Alban’s Episcopal Church installed the homeless Jesus statue on its property in the middle of an upscale neighborhood filled with well-kept townhomes.
Jesus is huddled under a blanket with his face and hands obscured; only the crucifixion wounds on his uncovered feet give him away.
The reaction was immediate. Some loved it; some didn’t.
"One woman from the neighborhood actually called police the first time she drove by," says David Boraks, editor of DavidsonNews.net. "She thought it was an actual homeless person."
That’s right. Somebody called the cops on Jesus.

*shrugs*
Read the Bible.  The status quo never much likes Jesus.  Even when they claim to.

A new religious statue in the town of Davidson, N.C., is unlike anything you might see in church.

The statue depicts Jesus as a vagrant sleeping on a park bench. St. Alban’s Episcopal Church installed the homeless Jesus statue on its property in the middle of an upscale neighborhood filled with well-kept townhomes.

Jesus is huddled under a blanket with his face and hands obscured; only the crucifixion wounds on his uncovered feet give him away.

The reaction was immediate. Some loved it; some didn’t.

"One woman from the neighborhood actually called police the first time she drove by," says David Boraks, editor of DavidsonNews.net. "She thought it was an actual homeless person."

That’s right. Somebody called the cops on Jesus.

*shrugs*

Read the Bible.  The status quo never much likes Jesus.  Even when they claim to.

(Source: circuitfry, via theladyems)

589 notes &

http://michaelblume.tumblr.com/post/82831908812/policy-wank-into-the-weeds-ozymandias271

policy-wank:

into-the-weeds:

ozymandias271:

whitehouse.gov petitions really show that tumblr has not passed its collective civics class

#THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CANNOT STOP A STATE LAW #THE GOVERNMENT CANNOT TAKE AWAY AUTISM SPEAKS’S NONPROFIT STATUS BECAUSE IT DOESN’T LIKE IT…

Well, FWIW, I think we settled in 1865, that yes, the Federal government CAN override state law.

Whether you see this as a good thing or a bad thing probably depends on what you want the Federal government to do.

1,529 notes &

ceruleancynic:

pterobat:

wigglyflippingout:

loononthepond:

enigmaticagentalice:


Lady Sybil Vimes (née Ramkin) Duchess of Ankh

If you don’t think Lady Sybil is absolutely wonderful and perfect then I don’t even know what to say to you
Lady Sybil who breeds swamp dragons in her spare time
Lady Sybil who once faced down a dragon the size of a street by scolding it firmly
Lady Sybil who sang part of a dwarf opera from memory in order to diffuse a sticky political situation
Lady Sybil who, when kidnapped by werewolves, escaped out of the window and belted one of them around the head with a log…while pregnant
Lady Sybil who darns her husbands socks personally, despite the fact that she is rich enough to buy a new pair every day for the rest of their lives if need be
Lady Sybil, founder of The Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons AND The Lady Sybil Free Hospital, one of the few hospitals where people actually come out alive
Lady Sybil who has friends and connections around the world and is on a first name basis with Lord Vetinari
Lady Sybil who is one of the kindest, most compassionate, most open-minded characters in the Discworld series, who is endlessly patient and reasonable, who shows tremendous courage in the face of danger, who treats everyone she meets as a equal despite her privileged upbringing and who never compromises her principles or deserts those in need
Lady Sybil <3

Is this a fanart or an OC? I want to make fanart of this character, like right now.

fanart! she’s from Discworld aw yiss

Start with “Guards! Guards!”

the woman was a city

I applaud this artist for not trying to make Sybil merely voluptuous and in her early twenties or something.
THIS is SOOOO Lady Sybil, and she is made of awesome. 
Sybil is the REAL Mother of Dragons!

ceruleancynic:

pterobat:

wigglyflippingout:

loononthepond:

enigmaticagentalice:

Lady Sybil Vimes (née Ramkin) Duchess of Ankh

If you don’t think Lady Sybil is absolutely wonderful and perfect then I don’t even know what to say to you

  • Lady Sybil who breeds swamp dragons in her spare time
  • Lady Sybil who once faced down a dragon the size of a street by scolding it firmly
  • Lady Sybil who sang part of a dwarf opera from memory in order to diffuse a sticky political situation
  • Lady Sybil who, when kidnapped by werewolves, escaped out of the window and belted one of them around the head with a log…while pregnant
  • Lady Sybil who darns her husbands socks personally, despite the fact that she is rich enough to buy a new pair every day for the rest of their lives if need be
  • Lady Sybil, founder of The Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons AND The Lady Sybil Free Hospital, one of the few hospitals where people actually come out alive
  • Lady Sybil who has friends and connections around the world and is on a first name basis with Lord Vetinari
  • Lady Sybil who is one of the kindest, most compassionate, most open-minded characters in the Discworld series, who is endlessly patient and reasonable, who shows tremendous courage in the face of danger, who treats everyone she meets as a equal despite her privileged upbringing and who never compromises her principles or deserts those in need
  • Lady Sybil <3

Is this a fanart or an OC? I want to make fanart of this character, like right now.

fanart! she’s from Discworld aw yiss

Start with “Guards! Guards!”

the woman was a city

I applaud this artist for not trying to make Sybil merely voluptuous and in her early twenties or something.

THIS is SOOOO Lady Sybil, and she is made of awesome. 

Sybil is the REAL Mother of Dragons!

(via theladyems)

49,056 notes &

theladyems:

kokiron:

itsvondell:

off-in-lala-land:

You know, if I was a parent, it would be at this point that I’d rip the game from his hands, stash it in my backpack, and force him to enjoy history goddamnit. This vacation cost a lot and the game is only for the hotel and travel time.

imagine trying to force someone to think that stonehenge is fun

Stonehenge has to be one of the worst things you could possibly take a kid that little to go see. Of course he’s not going to be interested in a bunch of rocks; no kid that age is going to understand the historical significance, even if you explain it to them. Take him to a museum with dinosaur skeletons or something if you want him to put the game down.



I love history, but I sure as shit wouldn&#8217;t if I&#8217;d been taken to Stonehenge at eight or so.
I love history because I went to Jamestown, VA and got taught how the Powhatan lived, and walked on a ship and learned about the Hungry Times for the English (yes, I know, it&#8217;s not pretty, but it&#8217;s human and it&#8217;s a story.  Kids relate strongly to stories) and traced the plaque with one of my ancestor&#8217;s names on it.
I love history because I was taken to St. Augustine and climbed around on the fort and learned why forts were built the way they were.
I love history because I would walk by a cannon ball embedded in a wall just about every time we went shopping and my parents would tell me stories about how that cannon ball got there and why.
I love history because my parents used it to teach me where I came from and made me understand I had to know it so I could choose where I wanted to go.
(And yeah, take the kid to see the dinosaurs, for pity&#8217;s sake.  Dinos are AWESOME.  Besides, you get a chance to correct adults when you&#8217;re into them *EG*)

theladyems:

kokiron:

itsvondell:

off-in-lala-land:

You know, if I was a parent, it would be at this point that I’d rip the game from his hands, stash it in my backpack, and force him to enjoy history goddamnit. This vacation cost a lot and the game is only for the hotel and travel time.

imagine trying to force someone to think that stonehenge is fun

Stonehenge has to be one of the worst things you could possibly take a kid that little to go see. Of course he’s not going to be interested in a bunch of rocks; no kid that age is going to understand the historical significance, even if you explain it to them. Take him to a museum with dinosaur skeletons or something if you want him to put the game down.



I love history, but I sure as shit wouldn’t if I’d been taken to Stonehenge at eight or so.

I love history because I went to Jamestown, VA and got taught how the Powhatan lived, and walked on a ship and learned about the Hungry Times for the English (yes, I know, it’s not pretty, but it’s human and it’s a story.  Kids relate strongly to stories) and traced the plaque with one of my ancestor’s names on it.

I love history because I was taken to St. Augustine and climbed around on the fort and learned why forts were built the way they were.

I love history because I would walk by a cannon ball embedded in a wall just about every time we went shopping and my parents would tell me stories about how that cannon ball got there and why.

I love history because my parents used it to teach me where I came from and made me understand I had to know it so I could choose where I wanted to go.

(And yeah, take the kid to see the dinosaurs, for pity’s sake.  Dinos are AWESOME.  Besides, you get a chance to correct adults when you’re into them *EG*)

(Source: plainpictures)

76 notes &

Anonymous asked: I want to say I am polyamorous but I'm not sure. I would rather have just two women that I would want to live my life with but to be honest. I don't want them to have any other partner but me is that considered being polyamorous or poly faithful from what I read on wiki. I would love to know.

polycule:

that’s something we in the biz like to call “unfair”

Sexist is another good word.

Look, I’ve been an active participant in the poly community for getting on to twenty years now (BEEN poly for more like thirty).  But this popularization of poly has the patriarchial types coming out of the woodwork wanting to reinforce the women as property paradigm and it nauseates me.

340,405 notes &

maplehoofs:

millika:

How to know which boy you like:

1. Get very drunk

2. You will cry about the boy you like

Apparently the boy I like is pasta. This comes as no surprise.

I don’t cry when I get very drunk.  And I know who I like and who I don’t.

God, I love being old.

(via michaelblume)