The Polyamorous Misanthrope

Wielding the Stick of Grandmotherly Kindness

2,569 notes &

ptrslbrmn:

instead of proclaiming that every girl in the world is sexy no matter what why don’t we start talking about how it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re sexy because sex appeal is irrelevant and is used as a tool for male dominance

This.

(via cumaeansibyl)

104,938 notes &

nerdinessinabluebox:

thorthousand1:

Just called an anorexia help line and the girl answered and immediately hearing I was male said “you’re real funny douche” and hung up. If you dot think that’s messed up, u messed up.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME

I wonder if dudebros troll such lines.

Patriarchy hurts men, too, dunnit?

(via theladyems)

23,781 notes &

queerlyobscure:

Y’know people say shit about social media along the lines of ‘OMG no one cares what anyone had for breakfast’ and like.

I do? I care. I’m pretty sure a lot of people care. I want to hear that the people I care about are having delicious breakfasts or saw something odd at work or flirted with a cute barista. Or just any little thoughts they have that they feel are worth sharing.

I’ve always kind of assumed that’s how you’re supposed to feel about your friends.

What I don’t get is why people flip out over what is essentially small talk in social media, then expect the same damn conversation every morning over the current state of the weather when we meet.

I mean, obviously small talk plays a part in conversations.  A big one to a lot of people (even though it ain’t my thang) and social media is a conversation, ya know.

(via michaelblume)

5 notes &

Being Midgendered

Okay, before this essay gets started, I think one’s “real name” is the name one prefers to use.  My real name is the one my parents gave me when I was born, and I like it.  I know this is not the case with a whole lot of people. 

My real name is Noël.  I added the trema when I was 12 at my father’s suggestion because I was irritated with people consistently mispronouncing it.

Now, I am cis-female to the degree that gender dysphoria is something I accept without truly grokking. I never, not once, considered changing the spelling to Noëlle to avoid being misgendered.  (Which I am in text at a minimum of once a month, and was consistently throughout my school years)

You want cis-privilege?  Here it is. Being misgendered amuses rather than irritates me.  It doesn’t hurt.  It doesn’t bring up anything painful.  It’s FUNNY.  (This is why, for all my lack of grokking, I think that running with someone’s stated preferences is just the only way that makes sense in the long run).

You want male privilege?  You bet as an IT professional, I am FINE with a stranger misgendering me to get over that initial respect hump women get in the field.

22,821 notes &

eugene-victor-tooms:

tough-grrrl:

princessskittybot:

cishet people be like NOOO U CANT USE THAT TERM TO DESCRIBE UR SEXUALITY/GENDER ITS MADE UP WORD!!! and then turn around and make up ridiculous terms like mancrush and guyliner and man-purse in order to keep their precious hetronormitive gender roles intact

"bromance"

this is an extremely important post

http://www.shakespeare-online.com/biography/wordsinvented.html

I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and say that these people are pretending an ignorance about how English WORKS that they probably had addressed in High School.

(via mickleburger)

511 notes &

What a vicious circle: girls lose confidence, so they quit competing, thereby depriving themselves of one of the best ways to regain it. They leave school crammed full of interesting historical facts and elegant Spanish subjunctives, proud of their ability to study hard and get the best grades, and determined to please. But somewhere between the classroom and the cubicle, the rules change, and they don’t realize it. They slam into a work world that doesn’t reward them for perfect spelling and exquisite manners. The requirements for adult success are different, and their confidence takes a beating.

This article is my life. 

The Confidence Gap,” Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, The Atlantic

(via wilfordlauren)

The older I get the more I find there is very little reward in the work world in being a “good girl” in the sense of not asserting your rights, not claiming your place, not stating when you know you are right for fear you might actually be wrong and then any fallout will be on you and you’ll prove to everyone what you’ve always suspected about yourself because you are a girl or someone will say you are fat or ugly which is related to nothing, always being cooperative, trying to be a team player and not the squeaky wheel, sitting nicely with your hands folded before recess like you did in third grade, etc.

I see over and over men in my profession ascend in part because they assume they deserve it and don’t worry about “how it will look” to claim a spot and not attempt to please every single person in their professional world. Sometimes when I’m doing career planning, I tell myself to “think like a man.” It’s so complicated. Gah.

(via sarazarr)

*nods to everything Sara Zarr is saying*

I’ll never be able to be quiet enough, able to act dumb and smile enough, to please people. It doesn’t work. The fact I ever tried showed I was caught in a trap.

Nowadays it’s different. Of course occasionally this means I turn into Streetfighter Sarah, yelling ‘Yeah? Yeah? Come say that to me again, I’ll bite off your nose and spit it down your throat!’ But on the whole I think it’s better.

Guys are promoted differently as it is, talked about differently, praised more and criticised less. We need to break out of promoting ourselves differently, more diffidently, as if we couldn’t possibly be worthy of attention.

(via sarahreesbrennan)

Be a vain, bossy, overconfident, know-it-all, my dears. Every professional success I’ve ever had can be attributed to being louder and more inconvenient than many more competent “good girls.” 

(via seananmcguire)

16,217 notes &

brynndragon:

argea:

redbikeprince:

i have never read anything more blatantly written by a man before

ew

I am sad to say I have heard grown women say this. Internalized misogyny is totally a thing.

Well…I grew up in the 80s.  Admitting to being into nerdy things wasn’t just social suicide.  You could get the shit kicked out of you. I did look specifically for a nerd when I was looking for a partner.  Why? We were into the same things!If you’re not into nerdy stuff, naw, don’t look for one.  But if you are, why wouldn’t you?Finding ones that aren’t misogynistic dicks can be a problem nowadays I’m sorry about that.

brynndragon:

argea:

redbikeprince:

i have never read anything more blatantly written by a man before

ew

I am sad to say I have heard grown women say this. Internalized misogyny is totally a thing.

Well…

I grew up in the 80s. Admitting to being into nerdy things wasn’t just social suicide. You could get the shit kicked out of you.

I did look specifically for a nerd when I was looking for a partner. Why? We were into the same things!

If you’re not into nerdy stuff, naw, don’t look for one. But if you are, why wouldn’t you?

Finding ones that aren’t misogynistic dicks can be a problem nowadays I’m sorry about that.

29,229 notes &

Being a true bad ass has no weight or gender requirement - just 100% commitment to greatness

Dwayne Johnson (The Rock)

Mr. Johnson, I’m sorry I ever thought you were just eye candy.  Please forgive me.

(Source: xmaryxmoox, via amayakumiko)